Dear Can't Learn Less: I have been seeing a new boy for about five weeks. He is attentive and considerate (the sex is great!), but something he said troubles me. He is a vegan, and he claims that veganism is the existentially correct diet. I like meat. I like rib eye steak, pork chops, roast lamb with mint jelly, hot dogs, corned beef, salami, veal, breaded pork tenderloins, hamburgers, prairie oysters, roast beef, sloppy joes, bratwurst, chateaubriand, jerky, heart, brains, kidneys, tongue, Virginia ham, Canadian bacon, Swiss Steak, filet mignon, and don't get me started on sea food. I want blood, guts, and veins in my teeth. Is he right?


Bemused Carnivore


Dear Bemused Carnivore: Unlax. There's no existentially correct anything, but everything has consequences. What do you want? If you want to spend a lot of time with your dentist, keep a Tootsie Pop in your mouth anytime you're not drinking soda pop. If you want a reputation for flatulence, continue with the diet you described. Your vegan friend (I'm glad you're getting your oven cooled) is probably concerned that eating animal products causes pain to sentient beings, but he probably also believes that a plant diet is ecologically and economically superior. I have my own thoughts on that. In any case, what do you value? Do some homework and design a diet that promotes the kind of world you value. At the very least, though, eat your vegetables and get some fiber in your guts. Your friends will thank you.